Buzzy

I am surprised every time it happens, yet it happens often.  I find little lessons hidden in the middle of children books.  Sometimes they are even dull looking books. And it surprises me, every time.

Today the book was “Buzzy the Bumblebee”.*   

Little Buzzy was a smart Bee and he could read.  One day as he was reading his book he read that ‘bees were not made to fly’.  The size of their wings, and the size of their bodies are not proportionately correct for flying.  He first questions the book, then begins believing it.  And behold, it was right, he no longer could fly.  Very painstakingly, without flying, he makes the long trip home.  Buzzy tells his parents what he learned, and that he can’t fly.  His parents say

“You’re doubting yourself,

Fear is blocking the way.

Listen to your heart Buzzy,

Not to what others say”

.

“Ignore labels and limits,

They seldom do good,

They make you think you can’t

When inside you know you could!”

I have fears.  I have ‘untruths’ in my mind that I believe.  Just like Buzzy, I believe a lie and think I no longer can fly.  I think I wasn’t “made for this” or I am not “good enough”. 

My lists of fears are many-  I’m going to ruin my my girls, I’m not good enough for all my dreams,  People don’t really like me, I will never be able to let go and enjoy life, I’ll end up like ____________, (I’ll spare you the detail of who I fear I will end up like lol), I’ll never lose this baby weight, no one will like my book, . . . .

My list goes on and on.

Some of my fears come from being told lies and believing them.  Other people told me lies, my church told me lies, my teachers told me lies.  Some were presumed lies, some were outright.  Nevertheless I believed them.

Lies like,

• you have to wear certain things to get to Heaven.
• You have to do certain things; (not like the fruit of the spirit things, more so things like going to church & singings every time it is open, baking pies, and being in meal group)
• you have to stay away from certain things to get to Heaven. (like all internet, movies, and sports)

Lies like,

• don’t own a home, because your home is suppose to be in Heaven.
• sex, even in marriage, is bad and to be avoided at all costs.
• modesty is a paperbag and mask, show no one you are a girl.

Lies like,

• you are good if you ________________
• I like you if you _________________
• You are accepted if you _____________

A lot of my fears come from, what will other people think?  Will people like my writing, will people like this project I’m working on, what will people think if they saw what I wore at home?  What will people think, if they knew I don’t believe the lies they told me anymore?

I’ve had to do a big reprogram.  Just like Buzzy the Bumblebee, I had to find the Truth.  I had to run to the BIBLE, run to others, and read books, to find the truth.  Then I had to re-program my mind to align with the Truth.  It took time, some of the lies I believed, I am still working on re-programing the TRUTH in my brain.

The truth that, it is just fear, blocking my way.

Sometimes I just need to be told:

“You’re doubting yourself

Fear is blocking the way.

Listen to GODS heart, Trudie,

Not to what others say.”

.

“Ignore label and limits,

They seldom do good,

They make you think you can’t

When GOD really says you could!”

*Buzzy the Bumblebee, by Denise Brennan-Nelson, 1999